Behind the song "Under the Blue of the Moon"

“Under the Blue of the Moon” tells the story of a post-apocalyptic joy ride, capturing a youthful freedom that comes with relinquishing conventionality, while simultaneously highlighting our human fallibility and innate desire to connect deeply. 

In this song, two soulmates are separated in the desert while travelling the treacherous highway of life. They both head towards a rich jungle oasis, witnessing society crumble around them, knowing they shouldn’t wait to be saved. The mantra “there is love in honour, and honour in love” carries them forward. Whether in this life or the next they have vowed to meet again at the pearly white gates of the Getty museum where they will live in rapture like benevolent jungle queens. 

“Under the Blue of the Moon”

We chase all the fear that’s chasing us

Under the blue of the moon, we repeat it’s tune

We fly down the city streets at night

Freedom’s catch twenty two, by the time it’s noon

We move to the groove  - of the final days

Creatures brought bare - by desire and longing

Championed by those - who refuse despair 

Where there is hope there still is something

There is love in honour, and honour in love…

There is love in honour, and honour in love…

Our house, it was once devout

And every prayer that was paid, was enough to be saved

Don’t wait, I will find my way to you

One day we’ll see through the haze of the world we set ablaze

We move to the groove  - of the final days

Creatures brought bare - by desire and longing

Championed by those - who refuse despair 

Where there is hope there still is something

There is love in honour, and honour in love…

There is love in honour, and honour in love…

Behind the song "Revisions"

The song “Revisions” is about experiencing gaslighting. Parts of the song describe the innate beauty observable in a person, while others allude to their darkness, mutability, and ability to manipulate. As a listener, it is easy to catch red flags from outside in quiet creepy sections, “You wanted to keep the control, you said you loved me, said we were chasing the gold, but your eyes, they stayed shaded”. It is clear though, a self-questioning persists, alongside a desire to uncover where things went wrong, to understand pivotal moments of change, or revise the past to capture it’s meaning. The answers however, are in the hands of the gaslighter, and we witness a tragic self-doubt leading to insanity “I fold over revision, revision, revision, revision… and in each version I ask what could have been”...

“Revisions” was featured on CBC’s Saturday Night Jazz; likened to songs by Radiohead or Massive Attack. As a creator I would be remiss if I didn’t highlight some of my favourite collaborative happenings which took place in the creation of “Revisions”. The first involved musical contributions from Chris Dadge, who amped up the creepiness of the quiet sections with eerie percussive textures. As well, Graham Lessard delivered on Brock Geiger’s vision to enter the track on vibes. When this song landed in Pam Tzeng’s choreographic hands, she embodied all the feels, somehow combining confusion, tragedy, evil, despair, and insanity. This was matched by the editing stylings of Landon Johnson who leaned into a “Suspiria” like colour palette, then timed and layered takes to build a narrative journey. I am so lucky that my co-creators bring joy to the darkest subject matters, helping me move towards positive resolution.

Revisions

Changed like a reptile in the shifting light

Tongue unravelling new illusions

Were these true colours, or was I deceived 

Did they just pop, against your new backdrop

I fold over revision ...

And in each version I ask what could have been 

You wanted to keep the control 

You said you loved me 

Said we were chasing the gold

But your eyes, they stayed shaded

To go back to the pause 

In the quiet snow 

I remember what your love was

Soft in the cold

A broken smile

Gentle hands 

You were just a man

You wanted to keep the control 

You said you loved me 

Said we were chasing the gold

But your eyes, they stayed shaded

I fold over revision ...

And in each version I ask what could have been

Behind the song “Stars Still Dying”

The summer my father died, the sky outside turned to a red dome layered by a hazy gray ash blown in from forest fires, and although so many other challenging times lurked in future timelines, in that moment it felt as though the world was ending. 

One question I pondered was “How long do you stay to honour a dream?”

Life is strange in this way. We don't enter, leave, or cycle on the same timeline as our loved ones. We are also tremendously lucky if we leave life with all of its external forces aligning so that we can obtain a personal sense of completion. I wondered how my father felt about what he was leaving behind, and if he had been able to accomplish what his heart desired. 

In the hospital a transition between us happened. We connected less and less in the physical, and we bound together within layers unseen. It is in that lush deep green garden where we combine energy, sometimes revisiting old memories and sometimes the new. When I return from this shared dream space it is as though a veil of smoke has been lifted. There is a shift in the quality of air, and it reminds me of the incense I burned for him that night by the river, while the sky grew dark, helping the stars to shine. 

“Stars Still Dying” is a love song for my father, exalting simultaneously the depth of joy shared, the potential of love, and the recognition of what loss leaves behind. 

Stars Still Dying

The first breath is arresting

We don’t all come full circle at the turn of time

This chalice has a poisoned rim 

We sink, cognizant and comfortable

Knowing that there is no win

And the man who’s a boy can protect the impregnable

Still we all lose some days 

That’s just the way

It was as far as we had dreamed 

The garden grew deep, the incense rising

Lifted as heat to stars still dying

Gone just like magic by the morning

We couldn’t pull back the glass 

So we stood watching 

Our eyes projecting the past

Lenses of love, of longing

To be aware is to tread with care

Resting in the pain you’re living

It was as far as we had dreamed 

The garden grew deep, the incense rising

Lifted as heat to stars still dying

Gone just like magic by the morning

How long do you stay, to honour a dream

to honour a dream

* these are the longform lyrics, matching the full length track on the album

Interview with Brock Jorgensen the filmmaker for “Stars Still Dying” - The Single Edit

I was lucky enough to meet Brock for the first time outside of my new apartment while in the stupor of school and new puppy life. I had brought Juno out for a pee, and Brock rolled up cool as a cucumber into the other tenant's parking spot. In an embarrassed daze I waved hi, probably with a bag of poop in my other hand… painfully self-aware that in my exhaustion nothing about me exuded “cool new friend” at that moment. But with true East Coast hospitality running through his veins, Brock was quick to be welcoming and kind, to hang for a patio beer, and to show me some of the most beautiful spots in New Brunswick. I am so lucky that he decided to take on shooting the music video for the single edit of “Stars Still Dying”. We squeezed it in a few days before I headed back to Alberta, surmounting each challenge bravely, and always focused on the end game; to tell the story at the crux of the song’s lyrics, which is both a reflection on life, and a letter of love to my father after he passed away. 

CLEA: You are a brilliant photographer, and videographer. What attracts you to working in the medium of video? 

BROCK: Honestly, I’ve always just loved telling stories visually. Creating a sense of emotion whether that be happiness or sadness, with light and music. I’m very big on natural light in my art. Using the environment around me to portray a sense of realism. It’s something I adapted a long time ago as a young filmmaker. There’s a sense of fulfillment for me, when I’m working on a project, seeing a story come to life that was once just a shot list on paper. It’s hard to explain sometimes, why you love what you do. I just love telling stories. 

I love the story of how we met, that we just happened to be neighbors for only four months, but in that short time we took a chance, and made a collaborative short film together. As an Albertan I was really excited to learn about various gorgeous shooting locations in New Brunswick first hand from an East Coaster. What was special for you about the locations where we shot? 

Being from the East Coast, there’s a wide variety of rural, hidden gems. When we discussed the look and feel of Stars, I felt New Brunswick had more than enough to offer. The majority of the locations were all from my hometown of Sussex, NB. It’s kind of funny actually, these places, the farmhouse at Brownsville, my parents house, were part of my childhood. It was very nostalgic to capture scenes that I actually took part in 20 years ago. 

We had a complete cast change right before we shot, and we were very lucky to have Mel and Bryson come on board as the last minute actors. Are there any particular moments or shots that made it into the music video that you love? 

Mel and Bryson, being a mother and son in real life, instantly gave a genuine feel to the onscreen chemistry, Bryson in particular who’d never done any sort of acting before. He understood when it was time to be happy, and he understood when it was time to calmly gaze on. It was easy to direct, in the sense that I would just ask them to hold each other.  You can feel their bond when you watch it. There were times we’d have Mel lying in bed, sick. I would look at Bryson through my monitor, and you could see the real concern in his face. I found that this connection brought that much more of an emotion to the climax of the music video when they’re walking through the field at sunset. 

I know you are a musician also, and you play with your band The Leftovers. What do you think music videos bring to a song? 

I learned a long time ago that music influences visuals in such a heavy way. It’s one thing to have a musician/band on screen, singing and playing. It’s another to have music guide a visual representation of someone's memories. I absolutely love coming up with shots that parallel the emotions of lyrics. It’s not something I get to do often. 

I felt I could tap into a different part of my creative side with this collaboration. I had to bring a story to life from scratch. It adds so much value to what the artist is trying to explain. It’s like reading a book, you make up the images of the characters and their surroundings in your head from the descriptions you are given. 

Your explanation of the “Stars Still Dying” lyrics, and its ties to your childhood, was like me reading your book, then getting to make up my own images to that story as I we went along. 

Brock Jorgensen can be reached on Instagram or by e-mail at brockjorgyatgmail.com

The Pandemic Pie Revival Society

As the years of this pandemic tick forward, I have noticed a fundamental shift in who I am and what I desire. It could be argued that this would be a byproduct of time as a whole, but perhaps these strange times have forced my hand in an accelerated way, and in directions I would not have chosen. 

Before the pandemic, I worked as a flight attendant for a major airline, to supplement a career as a musician. I was always on the move, working, traveling, or touring, and I embodied the work hard play hard ethos (pun intended). I had also just begun learning to fly planes, and my trajectory as a student pilot involved a fast pace, pressure cooker learning environment. 

Being laid off as a flight attendant, and graduating from pilot academy into the largest recession in aviation history, was actually not the first time the rug had been pulled from under my life. What was different this time however, was the abyss of time which stretched ahead and the inability to exercise any freedom of movement within vast physical spaces. 

I had spent a decade exercising my ability to go almost anywhere, not just traveling, but to a music venue, to a restaurant, to the grocery store without paranoia… and all of a sudden the external world circled progressively smaller. For a while, honestly this was bliss. I could finally be in the same location two Mondays in a row, and wake up in the same bed every night. I was able to consider getting a pet, practicing an instrument consistently, or cooking a meal at home. 

But eventually, along with most people, a level of monotony at being physically restricted settled in. Sure, the “privilege” of not traveling was a bummer, but actually where restrictions really burned was in the inability to see loved ones, and questioning if you might accidentally bring covid along with you. 

So where am I going with this really? 

First, I want to acknowledge our realities have morphed through a fundamental change, aptly summed up by a comic strip in which a person tells their friend: “The irony is, now I don’t really want to go anywhere”. 

But more importantly I want to highlight that through the pandemic many people have been able to focus inwards, and have become tenders of their own curated little bi(h)omes. Curators of new small businesses, or home gardeners. This internal focus is something I have always loved about creating art. We are able to create terms that are our own, boundaries of encapsulation, self-directed intent, and as many or as few terms as desired. This process that can be tailored from within, and can positively direct energy, providing both meaning and control.

I wanted to share a few things I tended in my small world during covid, which helped temper the mental darkness of a pre-covid life lost, and broke up the monotony of repeat covid days. 

One is the immediacy of cultivating joy in the moments you are existing in. My pup Juno reminds me of this every day. He demands play, lives to give kisses and cuddles, watches intently out the window muttering mini barks under his breath. Juno lives in full commitment to each moment, and each feeling is a full expression of himself. It is genuinely beautiful to watch. 

Second has been the joy of working towards a live show of the songs from my upcoming record. This backwards re-creation of recorded material, often on new instruments, is painstaking. But like watching a building being built, layer by layer I am overjoyed by its formation. I am in awe of the phenomenal creative support I receive from my music team. We are working towards goals, and although actual performance restrictions change constantly, there is joy in creativity itself and collaborating creatively with others. 

A final ritual that really brought joy to my pandemic life was the institution of dessert nights with my bubble of pilot friends. Dubbed the “Pie Revival Society”, we would rotate a chef each week who would arrive with a themed edible creation. Our light competition of manifesting delectable delights demarcated each week with meaningful conversations, provided perspective on our isolation neuroses, and it gave me the gift of a tiny community. This vagabond family drove away the blues of not seeing family on holidays, and was a reminder that there is always something new to discover in the people and places where you already exist.

I am curious, what joys have cultivated within your covid orbit? Tell me about the small things that brighten your world and radiate through the dimness of these strange days.

Jimmy Webb - “Do What You Gotta Do” (Clea Anaïs Cover)

This version of “Do What You Gotta Do”, originally composed by legendary songwriter Jimmy Webb, pays tribute to my favourite version sung by Nina Simone. 

When I first proposed this cover, my family and music team expressed skepticism, and I could genuinely understand why, Nina’s shoes are simply too large to fill. 

That being said, February is Black History Month, and this is an opportunity to highlight a Black artist who I grew up listening to who inspired me deeply. As a child I was immediately moved by her voice, not just her technical ability and range, but the conviction and emotion she imbued in often carefully chosen words. With time, I learned her music was a conduit to expressing the injustices she faced and witnessed throughout her life. I genuinely encourage you to take a moment to learn about Nina Simone, read a biography, listen to an album. You will not be disappointed. 

Just in time for Valentine's Day, “Do What You Gotta Do” is a song about heartbreak, love, and hope. These themes which resonate for me, are delivered in a laid back rendition of the tune. Recreating this song was a fun challenge executed at Studio B, with Jarret Mayo and Brock Geiger. 

Clea Anaïs - vocals, cello, mellotron

Brock Geiger- vocals, synths, drums, mellotron

Jarret Mayo- baritone guitar 

Recorded & Mixed at Studio B - Brock Geiger

Mastering - Will Maclellan 

LYRICS

Do what you gotta do

Come on back and see me when you can

Man I can understand how it might be

Kinda hard to love a girl like me

I don't blame you much for wanting to be free

I just wanted you to know

I've loved you better that your own Kin did

From the very start it's my own fault

What happens to my heart

You see I've always known you'd go

So you just do what you gotta do, my wild sweet love

Though it may mean that I'll never kiss

Those sweet lips again, pay that no mind

Find that dappled dream of yours

Come on back and see me when you can

Now I know it'll make you feel sad and make you feel so bad

They say you don't treat me like you should

They got ways to make you feel no good

I guess they got no way to know

I've had my eyes wide open from the start

And man you never lied to me

The part of you that they'll never see

Is the part you've shown to me

So you just do what you gotta do, my wild sweet love

Though it may mean that I'll never kiss

Those sweet lips again, pay that no mind

Find that dappled dream of yours

Come on back and see me when you can

Do what you gotta do

Come on back and see me when you can

Do what you gotta do

Come on back and see me when you can

Inception - "Powerful Women"

Serving coffee at forty thousand feet in the air, surrounded by the ambient rattle and whirr of an airplane, is a strange time to feel compelled by a melody. But when this would happen, I would do my best to grasp the idea, until I could make it back into a galley to jot my thought down on whatever was available. 

That is how the opening line of “Powerful Women” came to be. Ripped from a napkin, those words and the descending line, “We come from a line of powerful women”, rested in the bottom of my suitcase for over a year. I would glance at it from time to time, holding the phrase deep in my mind, waiting for the right moment of recall. But the idea wasn’t ready yet to be formulated. I knew that the intent was positive, so unlike the mystical chromatic intro melody, I was waiting for positive affirmations and major harmonies. Some songs write themselves quickly, but like it’s subject matter, this one warranted time. There was no need to rush, just ride the arc of rumination. 

In the time that ensued I boarded and deplaned hundreds of jets. I landed in countless cites. I dabbled in the basics of Ableton in hotel rooms. My band tracked and released an album. I changed my shoes to suit the seasons. 

Then one evening I was speaking to my sister and my niece about Christine Margaret Blasey Ford. They were following the proceedings in which she sought justice, not only as a victim of sexual assault, but also on behalf of all Americans who were faced with the appointment of a “good” supreme court justice. I felt profound empathy listening to my young niece confronted by injustice upheld by systems that are meant to protect. I was reminded of my own raw moral compass, that had guided my own convictions when I was young. The bright light shining on the edge of the knife, before we are whittled down by the weight of the world. 

At that moment, I wanted my niece to retain her determination. To speak her mind and be an ally for others. I wanted her to feel like her heart, her beliefs, and her words mattered. I wanted her to know that bravery is rewarded, even if the results are not always immediately visible. I wanted my niece to be reminded that positive change can arrive quietly and slowly. That strength precedes her, and that we are reminded of it when we turn backwards to observe how human rights have evolved over time. 

“We come from a line of powerful women.” The statement I had carried for so long appeared before me. It is a universal truth. Whether it reminds you of your family, or of women throughout history. Somewhere, a woman showed up; with so much to lose, and so little to gain; somewhere she shows up still, because of justice and conviction. That type of strength is formidable. It burns bright, bright enough to remind that there is hope for the future. 

Powerful Women

We come from a line of powerful women

History says a lifetime is short 

but it can be well spent

She knows it's a ride

It stops where it stops, ya

the sights are the sights

Still sometimes it breaks her heart 

Still sometimes it fills her eyes in the dark of the night

Silence has a price

but still there's a cost to using her voice

So if the fuel of that fire ignites 

As you stand in it's flames 

know I see you

It's the brave who remain in that light

If the battle lasts long

Know I feel you

We come from a line of powerful women

History says a lifetime is short 

but it can be well spent

When I think of time

I have to believe 

that justice presides 

So if the fuel of that fire ignites 

As you stand in it's flames 

know I see you

It's the brave who remain in that light

If the battle lasts long

Know I feel you 

We come from a line of powerful women

Interview with Latifa Pelletier-Ahmed ~ On our relationship with native plants

This week I spent some time chatting with Latifa Pelletier-Ahmed, a human I have always admired for having an intricately autonomous perspective of the world. She was gracious enough to send a short clip for the “Powerful Women” music video, and here we discuss our relationship with our immediate biological environment, as women, humans, and animals.

LATIFA: 

I hate having to describe myself to others, to be honest I always feel quite self conscious about it. I feel like I'm in this weird experience where I'm just trying to make the most of it. I'm trying to live as a decent human being in a world where a lot of weird stuff happens. 

There are a lot of obvious problems, but I think for me the environmental issues are really critical. I'm not perfect, I don't want to say everything I do is in alignment with that. I mean look at my plastic clothes, You know, many of us are in a transitional space, unable to live 100% sustainable in our lifestyles. I still drive a car, because it's a means to an end, and I need it to do the other things that I perceive as beneficial. So, you know, I am aware that what I do doesn’t always align with my values, and that I can be better, but I simply don’t have the financial capacity to purchase the most sustainable fuel efficient vehicle. Privilege can allow access to resources for sustainable ways of being so, you know, I do the best I can. 

So how would I describe myself? As someone who strives to be ethical, and strives to be better. I try to improve my understanding of myself, to be more patient with myself and more connected to others, and not just human beings. I think there's a real spiritual element to the depth of my being, and a sense of longing for a greater connection and purpose, and that is what drives me at the inner core.

CLEA:

One of my next questions was to ask you about the driving forces that motivate you within your work, so I am glad you just touched on that. Can we backtrack, so you can tell us about the kind of work you do?

LATIFA:   

Yeah! I have so many hats! It's hard to explain all the hats that I wear. 

I will start chronologically. 

I studied herbal medicine in London, I did a postgraduate degree, and I chose this field over becoming a naturopath, because I really wanted to actually work with plants. My previous degree was in botany, and I realized that I didn't just want to work in data collection; I wanted to understand plants as individual living beings, as sentient, and explore our relationship with them. 

Plants are massively important for our very existence as animals, for the functioning of the planet, period. I've always been really interested in wild edibles, and thinking beyond the colonized mindset of what we should be eating, and how we should subsist and interact with the land. Our general mindset around food is actually a very imposed perspective, and not really in line with the biological systems that actually exist around us, and their inherent value. 

I still practice herbal medicine a little bit privately. More recently, a hat I wear involves doing workshops and teaching people how to make medicines, or harvest medicines sustainably. I do plant walks where I talk about what things are, and what you can eat. I teach people how to use plants medicinally, how you identify the plant, how to harvest it, and how the plant works. 

CLEA: 

Once COVID has kind of cleared up, will you have more educational walks again? 

LATIFA:  

I'll probably do a couple this year, but only once a month. Times will be available on my website: www.latifasherbs.com

I also do public talks, I have one coming up, but it's centered around the Botanical Gardens in Vancouver, and very specific to people in Vancouver. 

So in previous years I would take people out to do foraging, but most of my energy goes into a newer business we have now, the plant nursery called ALCLA Native Plants, which we took over in 2019. So we have moved away from harvesting, and now provide options for people to grow in their gardens in sustainable ways. 

Unfortunately the educational walks, and owning a plant nursery, compete with each other, because prime growing season is an insane amount of work. We grow all the plants, planting all the seeds, caring for them, watering them, and do all the sales and marketing, as well as client relations. That's why I don't have capacity to do foraging anymore in June, even though that's the best time to forage in Alberta, at least for like, edible greens. 

CLEA: 

Who comes to see you at the nursery and for what kind of plants? 

LATIFA: 

Well we have almost 200 plants, most of them are native to Alberta, and we have a couple Saskatchewan natives also. 

We supply for home gardens, but also work with restoration and reclamation projects, and sometimes the scale is very very large. Gardens are a big one, school yards, community spaces, municipalities. 

This ties into the reasons we want to have native plants, we have reached pretty critical levels when it comes to environmental degradation. The Parkland ecoregion has only 5% of the original vegetation remaining. Temperate grasslands are considered the most endangered ecosystem on earth by many conservation agencies. Less than 20% of our grasslands are remaining in Alberta, and that equates to the third biggest piece in North America, of the Great Plains that are left. Less than 2% of this land is actually protected. It's still being plowed under all the time, and 75% of our endangered species are in the grassland. Right now there are massive declines in all wildlife. This decline is around 90% for many species, and we are talking about the pollinators, like butterflies, that people like, but also many more life forms. It's pretty significant environmental degradation…  So why should we plant native plants? Because we're on the edge of an ecological crisis, and this is something small that we can all do.

CLEA: 

Are you driven then, by fear, or by hope?

LATIFA:  

Hope, ya I think hope! For example the City of Calgary has a mandate now by 2025 to convert 30% of boulevard spaces and empty green spaces, and move away from turfgrass, which is not a native species, and has to be mowed and maintained and watered, which is expensive. 

People often have a mindless mindset, they don’t ask themselves, “do we actually need to have turfgrass over everything?”, they just think that's what they are supposed to do. Thankfully, this mindset is changing, we are seeing more people naturalize spaces with the hope of improving biodiversity, and helping to increase insect populations and bird populations. Also, native grasses and wildflowers can be considerably more attractive. 

Non native grasses like Kentucky Blue Grass or Smooth Brown, are not currently regulated as weeds in the province, even though they are very weedy and aggressive and threaten our grasslands. They aren’t regulated because they are economically significant. That’s the reality of our invasive species legislation. 

CLEA:

I guess that is part of why the education piece is so valuable, I'm sure people are constantly surprised by this information, for most people a front lawn would be something you grew up with and wouldn’t necessarily question. 

LATIFA: 

Yeah, absolutely.

CLEA: 

A lot of people’s work really centres on humans, but your work extends far beyond that into a relationship with the environment. Do you feel like you connect with that relationship through the lens of being a woman? 

LATIFA: 

What I have noticed over time is that I am way more connected to cycles, to seasons, than I was before. There are inherent bodily realities of having a uterus, that lend to feeling connected to nature. Even my own hormone regulation helps me to be aware of these external cycles, and in the business of plants I have to be quite connected. I have to know what temperature it is at night because that will dictate how things go with the plants. I don't get to rest until the winter. My life is very much intuitive, I need to sleep at night, and I have to be awake in the day for the plants. 

These are cycles that modern society tries to pretend are not important, but just like the plants, many of our hormones and internal cycles are regulated by this. We are still really connected to the earth, but we are pulled away by a conceptual idea of what it is to be human in the modern world. Being in a woman's body reminds you of that deeply embodied connection to our environment, and that this connection is alive and real. 

CLEA: 

You were kind enough to send a clip for the “Powerful Women” music video, thank you for that! What was your initial reaction to the track? 

LATIFA:

I really liked it. It was quite moving, I listened to it like 20 times over and over again. There was something very moving, moments when I felt quite touched by it. 

CLEA: 

Are there any women who you tap into for energy or who fuel the work you do? 

LATIFA:

Two women immediately come to my mind. Robin Wall Kimmerer who wrote “Braiding Sweetgrass”, and also Lee Maracle who is a Sto:lo author. Their work really inspires me, because decolonization is an important piece of the work that I do, we work to build good relationships with folks in Treaty Seven, in Alberta. This is happening slowly, and we can support restoration processes through plants and seeds. Although these authors write about different things, their words ring in my mind because there is a sense of ethics that is not always inherent in Western thinking. There is a genuine accountability, not just to yourself and your bank account, but to other living beings, and other ways of knowing, and other people. In my work I really want to honor those principles, I really want to honor the plant itself, and that traditional knowledge creates a framework which invites you into a reciprocal relationship with landscape. All of this adds a layer of depth to what I'm already trying to do, it feeds my desire to honor the landscape, as well as the plants that sustain and provide my livelihood.

www.latifasherbs.com

www.alclanativeplants.com

Racism

Today I want to talk about racism, anger, hate, assault. 

When I deliver a version of content on social media, my aim is to connect, to encourage thought, to uplift. I make a conscious choice to pivot towards light. 

One reason for this is because I know so many people who already carry so much emotional weight. Both at a personal level, and because of our shared societal realities. These are complex times for most of us. 

The second reason is that, despite being carved deep by challenging experiences in my personal life, when I sit back and ask myself what I want to bring into the world, I often land on a desire to share something positive, something that moves towards hope and beauty. Creating is a way of processing, whereas output is a way to gift back to our world. 

That being said, today I want to use this platform to say a few things: 

• Please take a look at me, I am a person of mixed descent.

• Please remember that when you discriminate against Asians, you target me, and you target my family, you target our shared community.

• Most people perceive me in a way that is convenient to them. What you have assumed, or believe you see, does not actually erase my complex background, history, lived experiences, cultural experiences, or experiences with racism. 

• Let this be a reminder, that I am the friend you project hate towards if you are racist, my family member is the elderly person you are considering perpetrating violence against.

We live in challenging times, but even if you do believe “someone else” or “some other group” is to blame for your circumstances, the only person you can hold accountable for your actions is yourself. When you verbally target, physically assault, or sexually assault, harass, and objectify others, know that your character is defined by your actions. 

I encourage you to pivot towards kindness. 

x Clea

Interview with Selina & Cianna Renfrow

Selina and her 15 year old daughter Cianna submitted a short video clip to contribute to the music video for “Powerful Women”, set to be released March 30th, 2021. It was extremely refreshing to connect with them for an interview that was a fascinating dive into discussions of womanhood, and the shared and differing experiences between generations. I enjoyed every second of the interview and I hope you do too! 

CLEA: 

First question, really these were kind of designed for singular humans, but you can answer however works for you...  How would you describe yourself to others?

SELINA: 

I thought it would be fun if I described Cianna and she described me so... 

Cianna is an amazingly generous person. She's a great jiu jitsu athlete, very strong, while being quite teeny. She's a great student, and she wants to work in medicine, which is freakin awesome. I could have a doctor daughter!

CIANNA:

My mom (Selina) works really hard, and achieves whatever she decides to do. Even when things aren't working for her, she finds a way. She will make big decisions to change her life that might be hard in the moment, but will be good for us in the future, and that she can be proud of having worked towards. 

CLEA: 

I love that, and that you described each other! Very cool. 

Next question, are there any projects, or things that you've been a part of lately that you are passionate about? 

SELINA:  

So, back in the summer Cianna did the Girl Force Summer Program at the Women’s Centre, and previously I did the Women Lead program there. This was a really valuable experience because the Women's Center is amazing in Calgary, it's a really great place to learn about yourself, how to work in your community, and they teach young women and girls how to lead as well. 

Cianna was asked to participate in the equivalent of a Jane's Walk in Bridgeland, and then asked to speak about associated issues. She chose to talk about Calgary Transit, an issue I have also talked about before, for Vibrant Communities Calgary, regarding the barriers to accessing transit. For us, taking transit has been super expensive, and as a single parent I had to take transit all the time with her as a kid. We would commute all over Calgary, which is a huge city.

Now as a teenager, Cianna can talk about her own experience on transit, and one of the things that she highlighted was how to keep yourself safe, which I think is also really relevant right now with what's going on in the UK. You just have to acknowledge how, as a woman, you need to be aware of your surroundings and make sure you're safe. Even before Cianna had to take transit alone, it was something I taught, to be aware of your surroundings. Don't sit next to people who make you feel uncomfortable, sit next to somebody who is traditionally more safe, or the front so that you're near the bus driver, so you can access help. 

CLEA: 

It's interesting that on one hand Cianna has these self-defence skills from jujitsu, but then also, there's such a huge mental component required to understanding how to interact with people in certain spaces. What were your feelings Cianna, about doing that talk about transit?

CIANNA: 

I have grown up considering this kind of safety, like with transit, just little things like don't take the inside seat in case you get stuck, sit on the outside. I guess it is about having to constantly stay aware of your surroundings and think twice before doing certain things. 

It’s sad maybe, that this is something we have to learn, but ignoring it and not learning about safety is not actually going to help. For example if I’m wearing certain clothing and not thinking about where I'm walking in the evening, I am also not helping the issue of my safety. 

The summer program I did was really fun. We learned about famous figures in history like women who did a lot of work and many women who have been underrepresented for their contributions. I learned a lot of interesting things, and about advocacy in my community.

CLEA:

It sounds like there's an element of being prepared to protect yourself, but then also there's an aspect of learning how to empower yourself through knowledge and enacting change, which is really nice, to not only move from a place of insecurity, but to own a problem, and speak about it. 

SELINA: 

Yeah, one of the things we learned when it comes to advocacy is that it doesn't have to be a huge commitment. It is not necessary to achieve a certain number of volunteer hours, you don’t have to be someone, or something, before you can speak from your own experience or effect change. I think what's great about the Women's Center, you learn skills that weave this into your every day. Being able to speak up, and learning to be comfortable with speaking up, even without a “platform”, or expertise, is something that I hope for Cianna to continue, where it becomes a part of who we are. 

Truthfully, I'm passionate about a lot of issues, but I don’t always feel like I can't talk about them because I don't actively work with an organization and dedicate all my time to it, but I still believe we should be able, as women, to speak from our experience, and be listened to, even without credentials.  I'm a woman and I have lived in this world, and I care, so, you know, listen to what I have to say. I'm a human being. 

CLEA:

Transitioning from actually writing the music for “Powerful Women”, which I wrote over two years ago, to creating the music video, really made me consider exactly what you are talking about. Aurally certain things didn’t show up, but then in creating the music video they did. For example, how much advocacy can I do as a full time student, and is what I am participating in enough. Then also, what can I represent in this video, what is mine to talk about, and that's hard because really you only have your own singular perspective, but then you also belong to various groups and communities. Progressively, the idea and meaning of what “woman” means is so complex and diverse, I am so aware that I can't speak for all these voices, but I am hopeful for some shared common ground. So thank you, cause I really identify with the feelings you just brought up. 

SELINA: 

Yeah, we are both students, and I work right now too, it's a lot! Still, I think even just reflecting and thinking about these things is a super important piece of this all. Like when you sent the interview questions, the question about what it means to be a woman, it was really interesting, because part of what that is for me is subconscious. So to reflect on that, and situate myself, and ask how do I fit in this world as a woman? Even that question itself makes me ask why we have to even think about it. 

But women do have to learn to live with things like inequality, or challenges other people don't have to face, different treatment if we look a certain way, or also if you don't look like how people expect, these are hard conversations to have. It’s complex to work at being strong and believing in yourself, not apologizing for who you are, but at the same time seeing that even if you do whatever you want to do, people are going to treat you differently, and you have to be prepared to respond to others and deal with the external. 

CLEA: 

Cianna do you feel like there are differences in the way that your peers talk and perceive these issues?

CIANNA:  18:42  

You know I think we're all conscious and aware, but it's not necessarily something that we talk about all the time. I think making these values a part of yourself is really important, because you can do advocacy work, or say what needs to change, but actually just shifting the small things in your daily life will also create impact.

I think a lot of people think “If I don't give 100% then why try at all”, but small little things like conversations can make a difference. I recently heard 97% of women have been sexually assaulted which is really high. It's an unfortunate reality of the world. But having conversations about it is something that we can do, and should.  

CLEA:  

One-Hundred percent. 

SELINA:

Even for her to have these groups at her school, like Black Lives Matter, which she has been a part of. Even if kids are not actively part of a group, it's still there for them, so they know that somebody is having this conversation and will care about it, and they can access that if they need to. This is huge because I think even these conversations are what's going to help bring around that change. It starts with people talking about issues.

CLEA:

Yeah, like sexual assault. When we were Cianna’s age, honestly not that long ago, it was much more taboo to talk about. 

SELINA: 

Yes, it was more of a fear based thing. We were taught not to talk to older guys at the mall, or to watch out for strangers who might be pimps. But nobody talked about the fact that like you could go on a date with a friend in high school and be assaulted, or there might be date rape drugs at a party. Those things happen in high school though, so they should be part of the conversation. 

CIANNA: 

I heard something that compared the idea of a bad date for a guy vs a bad date for a girl. The guy said, “I like going on all dates, even the bad ones cause it’s a learning experience.” but the girl was really conscious of the fact that statistically a “bad date” for a woman has a way higher chance of ending in assault, rape, or being killed. 

SELINA: 

Yeah, our version of a bad date, it's not the same version of a bad date.

CLEA: 

So, thinking about these modern issues, and considering the women who have preceded us and the experiences they have had tied to being a woman, kind of ties into the context of the lyrics of “Powerful Women”. Which, by the way, thank you for sending in your beautiful video clip to include in the music video! 

I am curious, are there women in your life who you draw on for strength. Clearly in a beautiful way as mother and daughter you both draw on each other for inspiration. Does this stem from anywhere else?

SELINA

My mom the most, Cianna’s grandmother. Truly my mom is incredible. I don't know anybody who is so strong. She doesn't seem to be afraid of anything, and she speaks her mind. Even to her own detriment. She turned 19 and decided I’m moving from Guyana to Canada, I’ll go to school, get an education, I’m going to live a better life; and then it didn't happen that way at all, but that never slowed her down. There were a lot of barriers to accessing education, and she got stuck being a nanny until she ended up meeting dad, and then they got married really quickly.  They started running a business together, and then ended up having like four kids. For me as a kid growing up, the fact that she immigrated and didn't achieve what she set out to do, she never let that affect her. She didn’t get depressed or upset that she never got what she wanted. She was a problem solver and decided, now this is my life, I will be a great mom. 

I admire that she's never afraid of speaking her mind. I'm constantly afraid of speaking my mind and I just wish sometimes that I could be as loud as her and say, you know like, “this isn't right”, or, “this is what I want”. For most of my childhood I made my mom speak for me. It took me a long time to find my voice. That is one thing I find super inspiring about my daughter Cianna.  She's resilient in her own way, and isn't afraid to do things like to speak up in class. She will get beat up in jujitsu, and then get back up and do it all over again. I would probably not keep going, but she does. 

When my mum came to Canada, she realized she would have to speak up for herself because no one else would. So when I listen to the song “Powerful Women”, I think of my mom and then also think of, you know, my grandparents, my grandmother's on my dad's side of the family. Hearing stories about my great grandmother, a teeny woman, not even five feet tall, who raised eight kids and was at the center of a wonderfully huge family. I look up to the women in my family and also I really recognize the women that are around me now.  You, and my friends, who are super inspiring. I get a lot of strength from the women I have in my life, and I get so excited, seeing their successes and seeing all they do.

CIANNA: 

For me, since my mom has so many connections with strong women, and, you know, I have so many strong women in my life like my grandma. When I did a school project about her coming to Canada, I realized how hard that must have been, and how much perseverance she has. I'm really lucky that at a young age, I have had so many different women who have shown me what is possible. They remind me that when things get tough you can push through them. I am really lucky to have this cohort of women who teach me, and tell me, that I can be strong.

CLEA: 

We are really lucky. We have been friends since Cianna was little and the whole time as a single mom you showed up Selina, mentally and emotionally. You brought Cianna to experience and learn about everything. You guys were an amazing team! Honestly you never seemed quiet to me. 

SELINA

It’s funny, that time is not a time I think about often now. Cianna is a teenager, and she's her own person. But it was super important to me, that Cianna was a part of all these fun things. I didn't like the fact that as a parent, you had to have a separate mom life. I was a young mom, maybe if I was just becoming a mom now, it would be different. But I also believe that experiencing events like a music video shoot, the folk festival, it’s culture.

CLEA

This has been such a great conversation! Thank you guys so much. Is there anything you wanted me to link to for people to check out? 

SELINA:

Please link to the Women’s Center in Calgary, it’s a place that has been part of my life for a while now and, and I'm really grateful that we have that resource, when we need it.

You can find the Women’s Center here, and both participate and donate!

https://www.womenscentrecalgary.org/

Hazy Days - Lyrics Explained

Have you ever known, the instant you met someone, that you were profoundly connected? Without uttering words, your aura’s interlock into a familiar pattern, one you couldn’t have conceived existed before that moment? Time stands still, and something metaphysical shifts as you sink into the depths of each other’s eyes, and together you are transported to a space not bound by human dimensions. 

“Hazy Days” is a retelling of that experience, once clear, but now only a remembrance. The song is an acknowledgement that we are not always able to stay connected within each lifetime. We are each on a journey larger than we can control or conceive. But sometimes, if we are lucky, special moments allow us to trace the spaces between our fingers while our palms are pressed together. In this way we feel and remember what it is to be mirrored, understood, cherished, and forgotten. Each experience of love is a gift, no matter how transient. 

During the second verse, I imagine the tailors of time embodied by wise deities in the original gardens. I envision them spinning the tapestry of fate from delicate spider web timelines. The lovers in this song are creatures entangled in one version of a lifetime, but through their tears they glimpse the mirage of the archaic garden before them, where their origin story began. For a moment they glimpse an alternate outcome, the version in which fate unfolds in their favour and they are not divided by circumstance, but another cycle through reality pulls them apart, their souls waiting to connect again in the ultimate timeline. 

Hazy Days is a brief flash of summers past, and I hope the listener is transported to a nostalgic moment they would like to remember.

Interview with Pam Tzeng - "Hazy Days"

I was very fortunate to work alongside Pam Tzeng, and a group of other creators, to bring a few music video’s to light for new musical tracks. “Hazy Days” is the first in this series. Below Pam elaborates on her process, her past, and conceptual direction in this insightful interview.

How do you self-identify as a human/creator? 

I'm a Canadian Taiwanese artist, choreographer, performer and movement educator. My practice is interdisciplinary. It crosses different forms of live art, and also on the back end involves producing and community organizing within the art sector. Values of anti-oppression and anti-racism permeate everything I make and do. I was born and raised on Treaty 7 Territory, I am a settler to this land, a person of the Chinese diaspora, with familial roots and traditions passed onto me from generations of ancestors who called the sweet potato shape island of Taiwan, home. My lens and lived experience as a woman of colour deeply inform the art I make.

What do you love about your artistic medium of choice?

My practice is grounded in the body. I think the body holds this unconscious wisdom that we are not often encouraged or taught to listen to, to acknowledge, and to express. What has been essential to my growth as a person, and artist, has been the ongoing journey of learning how to tune into what is true for me, honour my impulses, and negotiate the way the external world and my inner life meet. What I love about dance, and really just embodiment, is the value it offers beyond the aesthetic form and visual experience of it. Through being present in the body, you gain access to the complexity of being a person, of being in relationship with land, people, plants, animals, to the energy of life in general, and through the medium of dance and movement, you can express liberation. For me, to have the agency to transmit that energy is really vital, and to share that through art, I think, is important for visioning and transformation. 

 What has been interesting about working on this series of music videos with artists who work primarily within different mediums? 

What has been interesting is that I've never approached music and choreography in this particular way. I think it is worth acknowledging that you and I have had a relationship since we were in junior high school, so there's something about building from a foundation of experience together. It's amazing to hear your music from then until now, actually, it is a really heartening experience, and one of the things that compelled me to participate in the project. To feel trust, and to be able to experiment in something that's a little outside of my wheelhouse. Often as a creator within dance, I listen to the music that is in my body first. I work in silence, then begin to invite music to that relationship, whereas with these music videos, the music was upfront and present, and asked for a different approach of letting the songs flood my body. For some of the pieces, I absorbed what the spirit of the work was, and then for others it was more conceptual/abstracted. Other starting points began with costume, or a gestural idea that was born from the lyrics of the piece. It was stimulating and challenging to work within a short time frame, and to see what my body was able to metabolise and ready to encapsulate. It was a challenge, but really lovely because we did it! 

Also, there is the added relationship to film. We worked with the intersection of music and dance, ultimately translating and framing something kinetic into a small screen, and it takes an awesome team to be able to capture the energy of the movement. It's amazing what you can do with really invested folks, and the craft of a video magician like Landon. We started with raw uncontextualized dance video material, and it transformed into something that you could never really imagine. During the pandemic, the shift from live performance to film for dance artists has been interesting to witness and experience. It's not easy to capture the energy and kinesthetic exchange that happens between a person and a dancer during live performance. To manifest that energy on film, closer shots and moving the camera in a way that enhances or amplifies the spatial and emotional dynamic of the dancing helps. In some of the work, like in the close up special shots we captured for each of the pieces, we were able to play with moving shots, and to see that transformed into the videos was magic. 

During the editing process I discovered different ways to communicate my perspective on composition and aesthetics. Every discipline has a very different language, and the fun of collaborating is learning about what each artist is tuning into. Seeing what you, Clea, tune into in the music, and seeing how that matches or is in contrast to my intended movement, has enriched how I understand the relationship between music and dance. 

What steps did you take going into this project to move from music or lyrics to choreography and movement? 

 I took some deep listens to the album. It's funny, I'm actually someone who grew up without a profound relationship to music. My appreciation and intimate love for listening to music with stereo earphones, came later in my life, and has been a growing practice. Working on these music videos, I listened to the album and really just tried to let it permeate my body. That process was really important. You gave me creative freedom with it, but I also wanted to interview you, and we had a beautiful conversation about where the works came from. I think that helped color the sensations and emotionality, especially with specificity in certain works. This helped give context within my body and I could express more of where the root of the song came from. Also, the colour palette you envisioned, and costumes for each track, really influenced where the movement came from. 

 I'd love to know if there’s anything creative you’re excited to be working on or simply enjoying right now that you want people to know about? 

I am an alumni performance ensemble member of the organization Making Treaty 7 - an Indigenous led, settler supported arts and cultural organization based in Mohkínstsis (Calgary). Making Treaty 7 has started a new initiative called Istotsi Workshop Series, bringing together young and emerging artists of all backgrounds to learn various indigenous and artistic processes from MT7 Elders, Alumni and special guests. I’m really humbled and excited to participate as a guest of Istotsi, streaming live on MT7’s Facebook on Thursday March 4th. I’ll be sharing a little about my experience working on the original production and offering some insights on performance creation.

I highly encourage people to check out Making Treaty 7. It's a beautiful organization doing the meaningful work of uplifting indigenous artists and stories that deserve and need to be seen and heard. If you feel so inclined, donate, and engage in their programming which is currently accessible via their Facebook and other social media. Also learn more at http://makingtreaty7.com/.

How do you feel about “Hazy Days” as the first video being released from this collection of works? 

It's nice to have Hazy Days as the first sharing of a collection of works. It brings energy into a season that feels really still, because the track feels like sparks from embers. There's something about Hazy Days, this heartfelt acknowledgement in the song, a forward movement within it. I don't mean speed racing, but like a longing to acknowledge and traverse something which feels pleasurable. When I think of moving into 2021 the year of the Ox...into, just like a whole new world, that is essentially new every second... we are really moving into a new space as a society, and as people. Listening to Hazy Days, gives me a sensation of hope in going onward with a gracious momentum. 

You can connect with Pam Tzeng @pamtzeng on Instagram.

Fear & Desire

before i enter i collect

what small desire i had left

scattered into corners of the room

overlooked, no longer novel 

before i leave i collect

the remnants of what i had left 

the feelings i once had 

shifting shapes of shared beauty

i take stock now, i always do

habits built from fears of leaving

i don't want to forget

the precious left within my memory

A grey film lines the tv 

dust blown up like a smoke screen

filtering the incessant pitch 

that “the new is naturally better”

but my heart has no eyes

it squeezes its feeling

holds its desire

it runs the divotted path again

the billionth time

in the dark

the heart knows what it wants

even awake it lives in dreams

The Beatles / Paul McCartney BLACKBIRD Cover by Clea Anaïs

"Blackbird" was released by the Beatles in 1968. It was written by Paul McCartney and performed by him. There are various meanings that have been accredited to the song, all of which touch on resilience. It is a theme I identify with personally, and it was a joy to do this cover request, during a dreary time of year while experiencing a long week.

Thank you to Paul McCartney and the Beatles for creating such a beautiful lyrical song, and THANK YOU for listening!

Joining in on Faux Holidays - Two reasons to commit to the bit...

I went for a walk yesterday, and on the drive home from the woods three ideas were circulating around my head, like chatty birds in the springtime. 

• A post by a friend about how Valentine's Day highlights hardship for those who have lost loved ones or are single.
  

• A blip of an idea from a Kurzgesagt Youtube Video (Educational mini science posts totally worth checking out)... Which posited that once our minds are able to live outside of our bodies, the feelings associated with tactile experiences like romance or an embrace will become skewed, and the depth of a word like love may be lost when it is no longer experienced by a physical body.
  

• The practice of giving Valentine’s Cards or gifts as children, which is in some ways absurd when you aren't yet cognizant of what romance or adult heartbreak is like.

Like most holidays, I often find myself asking, why bother? What reasons are there for participating in holidays like Valentine’s Day? 

I grew up in a home that viewed holidays as commercial or religious manipulations imposed by society as a means of increasing economic growth and emotional control. 

I remember, as a small child, hand making and giving valentine’s cards for school, and experiencing the choreographed role play of relationship creation and destruction, at a time where ‘love’ exists more as friendship. Today I realized that perhaps a big part of children participating in Valentine’s Day, is learning to discuss actions of love, and also learning to experience rejection, something we all inevitably encounter. Valentine’s Day charades are the dress rehearsal for the real show of life in which we have to communicate about adult love. 

So here is reason one... It is good to create dialogue and practice communication about love, which is often viewed as a complicated and taboo subject by younguns. We should normalize discourse about love, relationships, and their complexity, and learn about the various forms that love can take, and how to process rejection. 

Despite the staunch unemotional perspective on Valentine’s Day, and other holidays, which existed in my home as a child... as an adult my views have softened. I spent most of my twenties with a surrogate mother-in-law who celebrated all of the small things, and sometimes these actions seemed lost on a house full of teenagers, but still, I watched as her children collected years worth of memories, a gift they will keep until they are old. 

I believe that living is hard enough as it is, any chance to celebrate with the people whom you care about, is also an opportunity to create a meaningful moment. Science agrees! Did you know that humans fixate significantly more on negative experiences than positive ones? Our minds are built to remember traumatic things more deeply. Mindfulness practices however, encourage us to make a habit of celebrating small positives more often. Doing so actually helps productivity as we are inclined to return to feelings of positive development and reward, and over time this attitude rewires our brain to stay more positive in general! 

So here you have it, Reason number two. I urge you to take a moment out of your day, and to tell someone you love how you feel, and choose to celebrate that shared connection with them. While you still exist in your corporeal fleshy form, trade in a hug for some shared endorphins.

Let me know who you love and why! I’m at @cleaanais on Insta

Lil Valentine's Playlist For You

A little love themed playlist for you to enjoy during your day! xo Clea

Neil Young - “Harvest Moon” (Clea Anaïs Cover)

"Harvest Moon" by Neil Young is this week's cover choice because it is so close to Valentine's day. Easy love is evident in the choruses, but the deeper you delve into the verses the more complex the nuances of life changing, releasing the old, and trying to capture the magic of the moment becomes apparent. I love that there is an element of "still trying" and how heroic that is because life and love are not always easy on us. Thank you to Neil Young for the chance to learn and cover the song, and thank YOU for listening!

Two Types of Happiness

Perhaps even more elusive than succeeding in love, is our success as humans at finding happiness. We see glimpses of it around us, we are inundated with pictures of it, on occasion we even grasp it when fortune and our hard work align. 

More often than not though, happiness as an external idea. It’s a debt-like cloud that floats above us blocking the sun, or an inconsistent friend who shows up at their own convenience. Happiness gives us the little fix needed to keep us invested, but for many people, happiness shows up too infrequently. 

The conditions for happiness appear to be a complex rubix, requiring everything to align. There is no equation that fits all sizes, and the depth with which we each struggle is completely unique. With complete respect, I believe the choices each person takes towards achieving happiness, must truly be tailored and unique to them alone. This post is not intended to question anyone’s personal methods. Rather the intent is to realign our perception and relationship with happiness as part of a daily reality. 

But first we need to examine love. When it comes to love we have all heard the adage, “it takes two to tango”, and it is true, a good relationship shouldn't require a mountain of work, but both parties need to mutually invest a certain amount of energy. 

Love has two faces.  

The more exciting version of love involves falling. The elation, excitement, nervousness, novelty, the flattery to the ego that someone might be interested in you. These feelings are a perfect combination for lighting up the body and brain in gratifying ways. This type of love is like riding a wave, even if you make it onto the ride, the experience is inevitably fleeting. 

The second type of love moves more slowly and is carried with you at your core. Think of how you love a family member or a friend. That warm, solid glow, stays alight on account of longevity. This type of affection is built from a series of small gestures and experiences that create a solid foundation you can return to like a home. 

What I want to posit is that happiness parallels these two types of love, except for one major difference, which is that you are in the relationship with yourself.  

The first type of happiness, like falling in love, exists in line with immediate gratification. It’s the feeling you get when the universe rewards you. It’s the moment you land your dream job, win a prize, or just buy yourself something nice. Like sun streaming through the clouds, you are lit up by a temporary surge of endorphins. In the best way this reward reminds us to stay on track and work hard, and at the worst chasing the feeling fuels our addictive self-pacifying habits. Often this type of happiness depends on external circumstances, and like a perfect sunny day, it is hard to chase. 

Personally I find the second of these parallels more interesting, because I am fascinated by the idea that our relationship with happiness throughout life can evolve. Similar to a relationship with a partner, perhaps the first step in that journey involves a choice to acknowledge, participate, and invest in order for improvement to occur. 

Happiness is remembered in moments, but elevating our overarching enjoyment of life, involves developing and maintaining a positive relationship with oneself. Is it worth investigating what this looks like for you? The more you invest in being attuned to your needs, desires, and boundaries, the closer you are to understanding how to build a reality that aligns with, and elevates, your experience of life. It is a life-long partnership, so the sooner you commit and invest, the sooner you will see a return. 

I hope you choose to acknowledge where you are, regardless of what that looks like. Know that you are deserving of the self-care and knowledge needed to improve your daily life. Every time we build and lose relationships we become more informed about who we are, so remember, similarly, each variation and experience of yourself you move through, is also its own form of progress. Do you believe you are worthy of the effort and investment? I do!

Let me know your feels @cleaanais

Interview with Benjamin Longman

In a sentence how do you self-identify as a human/creator?

My bio says 'Musician/photographer/musician photographer', and I think that sums it up pretty well. I'm a musician first, photographer close second, but really I try not to separate the two. It's all storytelling. 

What is coming up for you artistically and where and when can we see it? 

For music, you can catch me as part of Music Mile’s ‘Friday Night Broadcasts’ on Feb 12th as part of Chinook Blast. It’ll be streaming on the Music Mile YYC Facebook page at 8pm, and I’m having a lot of fun prepping something a bit different. Tune in!”

“For photography, I’ve been working with Wyatt C Louis capturing the recording process for his upcoming record, I’m really happy with the results so far, it’s great to be back in the studio. Don’t know when you’ll see it yet though! 

What do you love about photographing during record creation?

I actually do have an answer for what I love about working on records! Photographing shows and sessions, particularly in the grainy black & white that I generally lean towards anyway, is really my favourite kind of photography. Musicians, and artists as a whole, are sentimental and nostalgic people by nature, I think. We grow up admiring players from a bygone era, where so few photographs are available that show their 'process' compared to today, which gives this mythical and 'larger than life' quality to these artists which can often feel unattainable now. I try to emulate this style of photography, capture the people I work with in the depths of their process, and show them how much closer they are to their heroes than they might think.

I'd love to know if there’s anything else creative you’re excited to be working on or simply enjoying right now?

I'm trying to use some of this time to curate a collection of my favourite 'behind the scenes' photographs of the various tours, shows, and records I've been a part of. It might become a zine eventually, it might just be for me!

You can find more about Ben Longman HERE! and @ben.alogue

The New Neon - Clea Anaïs

In every moment you carry it around

a reminder to me

Perhaps I have been so honest with you

you can’t conceive I have secrets anymore

you don’t pause to inquire

maybe you just can’t care

Erasure of our happiness has occurred

the simple times and simple love

overshadowed by the grandiose

the neon new, explicit in the darkness

In the wasteland that was our life

your voice descends from your dream

I hear it through the grey

I watch the skies changing

I stand here seeing

planted deep in solid ground

You mock my offerings

and the embers, I watch them burn through me

I want reminders, printed on soft skin

While you whistle

I ingest the pain

pinning my eyes wide